The Jupiter diary of Useless
Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. After owls, hedgehogs, bees, sharks, a T. rex, Mars mission control and a long look at the Moon, it has gone big. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.
- Day 1 (each one under 10 hours)
A day on Jupiter lasts under ten hours. I’d get one breakfast, one nap and one bedtime. Honestly, that’s my ideal day anyway. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 2 (each one under 10 hours)
If Earth were a grape, Jupiter would be a basketball. I tried to dunk a grape. It went everywhere. Science is messy. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 3 (each one under 10 hours)
Jupiter has no surface. You can’t stand on it, park on it or drop a sandwich on it. I’ve checked my diary and I’m free never. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 4 (each one under 10 hours)
The Great Red Spot is a storm bigger than Earth. I once got caught in a storm the size of a paddling pool. I’m still drying out. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 5 (each one under 10 hours)
The Great Red Spot jiggles like a bowl of jelly, and nobody knows why. I jiggle like a bowl of jelly too. Also nobody knows why. NASA Science: Hubble watches the Great Red Spot behave like a stress ball (2024)
- Day 6 (each one under 10 hours)
Io’s ground bulges up and down by up to 100 metres. I bulge too, after pudding. About 2 millimetres. Same thing really. NASA Science: Io facts
- Day 7 (each one under 10 hours)
Ganymede is bigger than the planet Mercury. It’s a moon. Bigger than a planet. I’m an eraser bigger than a pencil sharpener. We should start a club. NASA Science: Ganymede facts
- Day 8 (each one under 10 hours)
Europa may have twice as much water as Earth’s ocean, under the ice. I’ve packed my armbands. And a very long straw. NASA Science: Europa
- Day 9 (each one under 10 hours)
Callisto is the most cratered thing in the solar system. I have three dents and I thought that was a lot. NASA Science: Ganymede facts
- Day 10 (each one under 10 hours)
Juno is named after a goddess who could see through clouds. I can’t see through my own fringe. Different skill set. NASA Science: Io facts
- Day 11 (each one under 10 hours)
Jupiter has the same ingredients as a star, but it never got big enough to light. I have the same ingredients as a pencil top. Never got big enough to be a pencil. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 12 (each one under 10 hours)
Jupiter’s rings are so faint you need the Sun behind them to see them. I’m the same in photos. Back-lit, I look amazing. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 13 (each one under 10 hours)
Galileo called Jupiter’s moons I, II, III and IV. The names came in the mid-1800s. I’m still waiting for a better one than ‘Useless’. NASA Science: Io facts
- Day 14 (each one under 10 hours)
Each time Ganymede goes round once, Europa goes round twice and Io four times. It’s like a dance. I tried it with two staplers. I got dizzy. NASA Science: Ganymede facts
- Day 15 (each one under 10 hours)
Jupiter’s magnetic tail reaches as far as Saturn’s orbit. My tail reaches the edge of the desk. Then I fall off. NASA Science: Jupiter facts
- Day 16 (each one under 10 hours)
Jupiter’s hydrogen ocean is the biggest ocean in the solar system. No beaches, no ice cream vans. I’ll give it one star. NASA Science: Jupiter facts